


You don't need anymore worries

by emperorseijoh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt, Letter, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 21:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19028608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emperorseijoh/pseuds/emperorseijoh
Summary: Sincerely the one who love you the most until his last breath,Lee Jeno





	You don't need anymore worries

**Author's Note:**

> Italic- part of Jeno's Letter  
> Narration- Renjun's memory  
> Dates- when Renjun and Jeno's memory occur

Everything seems to blur, Renjun can’t see anything other than the door in front of him, the wide white door and the red light above it that says ‘EMERGENCY’. If it weren’t for Jaemin who was currently embracing him and Chenle that hold his hand tightly, he’ll probably fall on the ground.

 

It’s been hours but Renjun can’t stop himself from crying. It hurts. It hurts him. The past keeps on flashing in front of his eyes, his heart won’t stop beating fast, the image of Jeno won’t stop invading his mind. He’s tired, he just want all of it to end, he just want to hold Jeno again.

 

The door finally opened but Jaemin and Chenle won’t let go of him. A man on his mid-40’s approached them. “Mr. Huang Renjun?” Renjun looked up when the man extended his hand that holds a white envelope. Jaemin accepted it as he handed it to Renjun instead.

 

The time seems to stop, as well as his heart when he read the first word from the letter inside the white envelope.

 

 

 

**[June 18, 2***]**

_“It was one Saturday afternoon, I was trying to walk on the beach side to watch the sunset when I saw you, fixing your tripod, I smile to myself thinking you might be a vlogger too who’s enjoying his stay at the beautiful island of Jeju, I was about to turn my back when you suddenly face the side where I was standing, you slightly looked up to the sky, smiling genuinely, and it takes three second for me, for my heart, to beat more faster than usual.”_

The warm wind of summer that afternoon welcomed Renjun once he step out from the hotel he was about to stay, the sun was about to set and the sky starts to get darker, making the mix of orange in pink clouds fade. Not wanting to waste more time Renjun walks towards the beach side with, holding his tripod using his left hand while the other holds his camera., finding some good place where he can take a photo.

 

When he saw a stone statue not that far away from where he was standing he immediately walk there, placing his tripod at the ground with his camera attached and taking some sample shot before he took a shot where he was on the background already. When he get the perfect angle Renjun turn his gaze towards the calm sea, slightly looking up to the sky to admire it.

 

When he put his gaze back to the sea he saw a young man standing there, looking straight at him, one hand placed on his right chest. Shyness invading his whole being Renjun decided to bring his hand up and wave to the young man slightly, Renjun almost had a heart attack when the boy wave back, sending butterflies inside his stomach.

 

Renjun was brought back to reality when he remember he was about to take a picture, feeling a little bit regretful, Renjun turn his back from the boy and fixed the timer of his camera as he pose in front of it. After taking several shot, Renjun checked his camera and his pictures, chewing his lower lip in concentration when someone tap his shoulder making him look at his side.

 

He was welcomed by the young man he saw earlier who wears a white v-neck shirt partnered with blue khaki short, he was smiling towards Renjun, making his heart beat fasten up again as the boy’s eye, smiles as well.

 

“Yes?” Renjun barely blurted out, making it sound like a whisper. “A tourist too? By the way I’m Lee Jeno.” The stranger introduced as he extended his hand in front of Renjun. “Yeah, I’m Huang Renjun. a tourist too?” Renjun asked back as he accept the hand, shaking it slightly before he pulls away, with Jeno nodding his head as an answer.

 

The next day someone knocked at Renjun’s hotel room making him stop from fixing his hair. Looking one last time in front of the mirror he picks up his bag from the bed and opened the door where Jeno was standing in all of his glory, wearing a white and blue polo matched with a black shorts, holding a filming camera on his other hand.

 

“Oh by the way, yesterday I met someone y’all should meet him, the whole world should witness such beauty.” Jeno blurted out in front of his camera as he wear his signature charming eye smile before winking at Renjun side making him a blushing mess. “Say hi to Renjun.” Jeno angle himself where Renjun can also be seen at the camera bringing his pointing finger under Renjun’s chin.

 

“Hi.” Renjun said timidly as he wave his hand slightly before closing his hotel room, making the two of them walk towards the end of the hallway where the elevator was placed. “Today I brought my two sunglasses with me, the one I bought at Hongdae day before my flight here at Jeju!” Jeno happily said while they were walking.

 

“Let me show it!” Jeno gets the sunglasses then inside his bag using his other hand, showing it to the camera with a fond smile. “The first one has a light blue glass while the other one has the dark blue or black?” Jeno continue as he chuckle, stopping on his track making Renjun do the same as he blink his eyes towards the younger. “I want Renjun to use the light blue, here.” He handed it to Renjun, that the older accepted making Jeno smile again as he wear the remaining sunglass on his hand, Renjun following him suit.

 

“Now were ready.”

 

 

 

**[June 24, 2***]**

_“….It keeps on beating faster when I’m with you for my one week stay until my last day at Jeju came, I knocked on your door at exactly 3 am, I’ve been standing outside after I knocked for almost 8 minutes when the door suddenly opened, your  hair was too messy but it didn’t make you any less beautiful in my eyes. I told you I need to go, 10 minutes of staring at each other I thought you won’t even say good bye to me, until you give me your first gift, from there I prayed so hard that I hope someday fate will let me see you again.”_

Renjun woke up from a sudden knock on his door, sitting up on the side of his bed, watching the digital clock placed on his bed side table quietly, he noticed that it’s only 3 am in the morning, slightly getting scared on who might be knocking on his door that early, Renjun stood up, walking towards his hotel room door.

 

Once he opened the door he was welcomed by Jeno who was looking down on the floor with a luggage on his right hand. When he noticed that Renjun finally opened his door, Jeno immediately looked up making their eyes meet. “I need to leave, I’m going home today.” Jeno said using his small voice.

 

They stayed looking at each other eyes. After some good minutes Jeno was about to turn around, thinking that Renjun won’t say something back when he hold Jeno’s wrist making him stop. “Do you have to go?” he asked, voice hoarse as it was the first words that came out from his mouth after he woke up. “I need to.” Jeno answered, sadness evident at his voice as he bring his eyes back at Renjun’s.

 

The older pull him slightly then, closing the gap between them when Renjun tip toed, leaning forward as he kissed Jeno’s cheeks, his soft pinkish lips, landing at Jeno’s soft red cheeks. “I don’t want to say good bye, maybe a see you around will do?” Renjun said after he pulled away, pulling his hand away as well from his hold at Jeno’s wrist.

 

“See you around Huang Renjun.”

 

 

 

**[August 23, 2***]**

_“….Believe me I can’t get you out of my mind that it bothers me up until the first day of the new school year, it was also the first day of Jaemin and Jisung’s football practice, I was sitting at the bench watching them as a friendly support when Jaemin accidentally hit someone near where I was sitting, panic flashing on every one of us, I run to where the person that Jaemin hit exactly at the head was and from there, it take three seconds again for my heart to beat more faster due to too much happiness.”_

Watching from the bench Jeno put his hand on his right chest, feeling his own calm heart beat, his eyes never leaving the mock game his friends and their teammates doing. Envy flashing across on his eyes. Jaemin texted him last night on how annoyed he was that their coach announced there will be practice at the first day of school as a preparation. He said it was unfair so Jeno promised to watch them before class.

 

His eyes finally leave the team when Jaemin suddenly hit the football too hard, hitting some random student that was passing by on the school quadrangle. As the person who was near where the student fell on the ground, Jeno ran towards the student, when his hands reach the cheeks of the student to check him Jeno suddenly stop from breathing.

 

“Is he okay?” Jaemin asked worriedly as he kneel beside the student. His heart suddenly beating fast again, Jeno carry the student into a bridal style as he stood up.

 

“I’ll bring him to the infirmary, just go and continue your practice, I promise he’ll be fine same goes with me.” And from there Jeno leave a frowning Jaemin as he head towards the infirmary.

 

The nurse welcomed him, Jeno put the student down on the bed then, letting the nurse do her thing, when she was done he looks back to Jeno to telling him that she’ll make an excuse letter for him so the teacher won’t put him into absent or late. Jeno took the opportunity to sit down on the chair beside the bed then, holding the student’s hand.

 

After half hour of staring the hand from his hold suddenly tightens making him sit properly and more alert. The student starts groaning as he sat up from the bad making Jeno stood up as well, putting his other hand at the back of the student as a support.

 

“Are you okay?” Jeno asked gently making the awakened student looked up to him with a frown.

 

“Lee Jeno?”

 

“The one and only, Huang Renjun, nice meeting you again?”

 

 

 

**[December 24, 2***]**

_“…from there we became inseparable, everyone thinks that were dating but I keep on saying no. it hurts to see you hiding how hurt were you everytime I’ll say no but believe me, it’s for your own good, I’m sorry but I’ll always say no if it means of you losing your feelings for me. It’s been three years and were on our freshman years at university since we become the best of friend, when the Christmas break suddenly starts, you were rambling, you’re asking me if I want to come with you to China to travel and celebrate Christmas there as well, I was about to say no when I felt my own heart beat,I suddenly realize I should let myself be happy as well, even for the last time so I said yes.”_

It’s been a week since Renjun’s family met Jeno, Renjun introduce him as a friend who help him at Korea. The younger stayed at Renjun’s house then, they keep on going out almost everyday so Jeno can travel around Jilin, Renjun would be lying if he’ll say that the whole week wasn’t the best week of his life, he got to bring Jeno at his favorite places there, and make him stay at his room some other night to share his childhood memories.

 

Renjun was so happy that it was starting to scare him, he felt like something was about to happen but he put it aside at the very back of his head. It’s been three years and this is the only time where he show his love for the younger without the prying eyes, without Jaemin, who he might get hurt again. Jaemin wasn’t subtle, he knows that the younger likes him since their last year at high school, but what he can do if his heart belongs to Jeno at the first place?

 

It’s always him, from the first time they met, to the second time they met, to the whole year they spend together and up until now, it’s always him. He even came to the point that he start being delusional, thinking that sometime Jeno looks at him with pure adoration in his eyes, but Renjun being Renjun, stopping himself to get more hurt, he just let himself believe that it might because he’s Jeno’s friend, and Jeno adore and love every of his friend.

 

The family dinner with Jeno before Christmas was already done, he’s parents and some family relatives were too tired to even wait for the clock to strike at exactly 12 am to welcome the official Christmas day so Renjun decided to sneak out from their house and stood at their gate as he watch the night sky above, it was full of stars, Renjun had this kind of fascination towards things that is related to universe and galaxy, watching it makes him smile fondly when someone tap his shoulder.

 

“Merry Christmas.” Jeno said with his eyes smile.

 

Renjun drop his eyes then to his wrist watch as he reads the time indicating it’s already 12 am in the midnight. “Merry Christmas Jeno.” He answered then bringing his eyes back at Jeno’s when the younger suddenly looked up.

 

“There’s a mistletoe.” Renjun followed his eyes, looking up straight at his parents house’ gate, it’s true, there’s a mistletoe and that only means… Renjun bring his eyes back again to Jeno when he caught the younger looking at his lips instead.

 

“Slap me in three second if you’ll get mad and will end our friendship.” Jeno suddenly blurt out, not leaving his eyes at Renjun’s lips.

 

“Huh?” Renjun asked when Jeno suddenly cupped both of his cheeks, leaning in to Renjun in the process as their lips touched. It takes seconds before Jeno slightly pulls away, his hand still on both of Renjun’s cheeks. “One… two… three.” Jeno whisper counted before he pulls away fully giving his charming eye smile at Renjun.

 

“You didn’t slap me.”

 

 

 

**[February 14, 2***]**

_“…I’m sorry but I’m not sorry as well. I’m sorry because I know I gave you hope, about us, but I’m not sorry because at least before this day come I knew I gave my first kiss to someone who deserve it, to someone who I really love, and the only person I love until my last breath. You didn’t said anything about it after, I’m deeply thankful because even if I’m slightly not sorry about it, I don’t know how I’ll handle it if ever. I thought everything will be okay after that when ‘that’ day came. It supposed to be a lovely day for everyone but I broke both of our heart instead. I’m sorry but please know I want to say ‘stay’ that time because I love you but I didn’t because I know better than anyone else that it will be the best decision for the both of us, for me, it’s the last thing I can do to save myself.”_

Renjun was standing at the railing of the school building’s rooftop, he was looking down at every student who was happily celebrating Valentines day. Renjun decided to stay at the rooftops when he accidentally heard that Jaemin will confess to him today and will ask him out. The younger was precious to him as well. But Jeno… _it’s always Jeno,_ Renjun thought as he sighed, welcoming the cold wind that was brushing on his pale cheeks.

 

Thinking about Jaemin’s about to be confession for him today, Renjun remembered his first kiss with Jeno that one Christmas night last year. It was simple, not as magical like whatever romantic book or movie described it to be but it’s enough to make Renjun feel warm inside, as his heart beats faster second by second. Thinking about it maybe… maybe he stood a chance. Fishing out his phone, Renjun texted Jeno making him come to the rooftop where he was hiding.

 

Not long after, Jeno came with his charming eye smile that Renjun can’t help but to fall in love everytime he’ll see it. Smiling back he motion Jeno to come near him, when they were already standing side by side, they were surrounded by silence making their eyes wander around instead. Minutes already passed by and Renjun felt he’s confident enough to talk. Without looking at Jeno, Renjun speaks first, breaking the silence around them.

 

“I like you, I always like you since the first time we met, but last year, when you kiss me I think I love—“ Renjun was cut off when Jeno hold his wrist making him look to the younger who was not smiling anymore, he was just looking back at Renjun without any emotion aside from those coldness that his eyes holds. Renjun’s eyes starts to get teary.

 

“Stop.”

 

“I think I—“

 

“I said stop!”

 

“..I love you.” Renjun finally said as a tear rolled down from his eyes.

 

“I don’t love you nor like you in that way, you’re just a friend.” Jeno said as he let go of Renjun’s wrist. “There’s Jaemin, he likes you, just like him back or whatever, you can’t get anything from me, you’ll just get hurt.” He continue making Renjun hold onto the railings behind him to support his body as he looks down, crying silently.

 

He thought after that kiss everything will be okay, he thought he stood a chance… but it all end up as a thought and nothing else.

 

As Renjun thought it won’t get more bad, the door of the rooftop suddenly opened, revealing a Na Jaemin.

 

“I’m sorry—“

 

“Jaemin,” Renjun said making the younger stop from talking as he eyed Renjun with wide eyes, shock by the sight of Renjun crying with Jeno beside him who doesn’t even look like he care. “I want to try, let’s try dating.” Renjun voice cracked at the end of his sentence as he finally let out his sobs making Jaemin run towards him and hold him in his arms tightly.

 

_Jaemin please save me._

 

“Yeah, let’s try.”

 

And with that, they leave Jeno at the rooftop, looking at nowhere, tears didn’t even get notice from his eyes that was full of sadness now.

 

 

 

**[Today; May 30, 2***]**

_“I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to say how much I love you in front of you, I’m sorry that I hurted you, and I’m sorry because I can’t stay with you. There’s someone else who’s better than me, one who can make you smile and feel love until your last breathe and it’s not me, but please know that from the short time that we spend together, I’m already happy, I’ll leave this world happily because I got to see the most beautiful boy that my eyes laid on, that I get to be loved back by my first and will be my last love. I won’t stop you from crying right now but please after this be happy, at least be happy for me, don’t worry I lived that last moments happily with you, I’ll leave with no regrets, wait for someone who can love you back okay? Ah, this will be my last day then if you’re reading this and this will be finally the moment were I can finally say good bye to you since there will be no ‘see you around,’ you don’t need anymore worries that’s why I didn’t tell you so don’t beat yourself too much my love._

_Huang Renjun, I love you, I love you too, I’m sorry and thank you. Please live happily and don’t forget me._

_Sincerely the one who love you the most until his last breath,_

**_Lee Jeno_ ** _”_

“It’s Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, I think the patient already knew that it’s the end for him, his heart muscle cells…” the voice of the doctor fades when Renjun suddenly walk passed by them. Jaemin and Chenle let him as he enter the Emergency Room, walking straight to where Jeno’s body was lying.

 

Renjun’s tears starts rolling down again at his pale cheeks down to his chapped lips. He’s tired but he’s hurting badly inside. When he was already standing beside Jeno’s body Renjun cupped his cheeks, the silent room was now filled of the older’s sobs. Renjun doesn’t know how he’ll process everything but he decided to close his eyes instead as he leans down to kiss Jeno’s forehead, whispering what’s inside his heart right now.

 

“I love you more, you’re strong, you did well Jeno, you’re forgiven. I won’t ever forget you, good bye to you too, and I love you.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Jeno was looking at the boy who was looking up to the sky with a fond smile, his hand placed on top of his chest at the right part as he keeps on breathing in and out, trying to stable his heart beat, when the boy suddenly turn his gaze down at him, Jeno can’t help but to wave his hand even though his chest still hurt. When the boy wave back, Jeno can’t help but to smile more wider.

 

“It’s worth it, his smiles are worth of all the pain I’m feeling inside my chest just because it beats faster because of him, you’ll be the death of me, whoever you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's unedited and kinda rushed, I just need to let it out after I saw Renjun cried. I hope you still enjoy it though!! <3


End file.
